For those of you that read my previous post, you know I stated that I have Burkitts Lymphoma. So before this train gets totally derailed let me just set a couple of things straight. I do not have brain cancer or bone cancer or cancer in my back for that matter. It's Burkitts lymphoma which is a rare aggressive curable cancer. I clearly recall the professor telling me one morning and apart from that quintessential tweed coat reserved only for clever people, the only word I took from that conversation was 'curable'.
Having being diagnosed and being told that I had to be admitted to hospital immediately happened very quickly. As aggressive as the cancer is, so is the treatment and is administered in hospital to monitor the whole process. Sadly enough I was given like a days notice so I didn't really have a chance to mentally prepare myself or my kids in fact as to what it all would be like.
So it's probably been two of the hardest weeks of my life and I'm thankful because at least I have a fighting chance which is much more than most people with this dreaded disease. The treatment has knocked me most days, as was expected but I'm still around to tell the tale as they say. I don't want to go into too much detail regarding the chemo because it is what it is and I just deal with it as it comes.
That feeling of having walked a thousand miles overcomes me most days and I need to constantly remind myself that this is just another pebble in my path.
My heart breaks into a million pieces every time I think about how this is affecting my family especially my husband and kids not having me around to hand out hugs and kisses before sending them off into the world each morning.
And yes this is probably one of my most depressing posts but I'm just emotionally raw and drained on so many levels.
I am as ever in bewildered awe of the constant love and support I receive daily which warms my heart. I appreciate it and even though sometimes I don't respond I'm just overwhelmed by the love.
So Algamdullilah week three is upon me and I've been placed in isolation because my entire immune system has been wiped out. I'm on a chemo break as side effects have started to kick in so I'm in for another bumpy ride. Inshallah Allah knows my path.
Other than that I spend my days being poked and pricked and prodded drifting in and out of sleep and dreaming of better days inshallah. I must admit I'm still amazed at the interest shown in my initial post and would appreciate if people would share the correct information about my condition. I would love to know why these posts are so interesting so don't be shy and leave a comment in the box below. As I said before, me documenting this is my therapeutic outlet as I'm on a journey of treatment, and recovery and the duration is unknown. I'm trying to be mindful of my thoughts and just deal with each day as a blessing in its entirety. So this basically is the proverbial horses' mouth and please refer the link to the misinformed.
Don't mistake my emotions for weakness because I've still got this, some days just a little less than others.
Be safe and remember me in your duas
xxx
